Who do you choose to be?
by AngelicDragons
Summary: A conversation between Beckett and Ryan about undercover work and the life they choose to lead.


**This is absolutely a ONE SHOT.**

**This is an argument I've had with people before. I though about putting it in my "Character Study" story but eventually decided against it. One of the comments I received made me to decide to write the conversation between Beckett and Ryan. I really want to see what others think about my idea, so please leave comments.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Castle.**

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Beckett was more than a little nervous. She shouldn't be but talking about things like this with Ryan just wasn't normal. She talked to Espo occasionally about things, but they had come up together. It was different. At least it felt different. However in this instance, Ryan had the experience she needed to tap into, both professionally and personally. All she had to do was ask the questions.

She was currently sitting in a booth at a sandwich shop that cops didn't normally frequent a couple of blocks from the precinct. Castle had meetings today so having lunch with Ryan wouldn't draw attention. She had already gotten her order from the counter and was waiting for Ryan to get his. She saw him pick up the tray and walk towards the table.

As he sat down, Beckett decided to just jump in with both feet. Otherwise she might not do it. "Ryan, I need advice. You spent time under cover, lots of time. You spent time under cover while married to Jenny. How did she take? It's been weeks since the narcotics operation, but things still aren't right between me and Castle. I can't say he's mad but I know he isn't happy. I just don't know what to do."

Ryan took a deep breath and ate a french fry. "I can't tell you what to do about Castle. You know the relationship you have with him better than I do. I can tell you what happened between me and Jenny. She was mad, obviously, not the least of which was because she suspected that part of the reason I was going under was to save a woman who I had once had a relationship with. The other part was that I didn't take her needs or life into consideration. She didn't marry a vice guy. She married a homicide detective. The job has risk. Like the building fire. She was scared and worried but not mad. It was part of the job. Is was the sort of risk she expected. The undercover thing, which was a choice I made totally on my own, she wasn't prepared for that. Did you know that she found out she was pregnant while I was under."

Kate's eyes went wide. "No, I didn't realize. I guess if I had done the math…"

"Yeah." Kevin said sadly. "Here I was starting a new life that I was going to be responsible for and I walked away from that to do the job. I job I didn't have to do. A job I volunteered for." Kevin took a sip of his milkshake. "Everything felt fine the first week or so I was back, but then something happened. I don't even remember what it was, a little thing, and she asked me whether she was in a relationship with Superman or with Clark Kent."

Beckett considered herself well read in the comic universe but didn't understand the question and said as much.

"I didn't understand it either. You see Superman is a hero. Where there is danger, violence, injustice, and cruelty, that's where he goes. At a moment's notice with no thought of the danger to him or what happens to those left behind, not even Lois Lane. Lois Lane, the supposed love of this life, gets left behind by the calling, the job. Now, Clark Kent, he stays home with Lois. He cleans with her, watches TV with her, goes to movies with her and most importantly he goes to sleep with her every night in their bed. Jenny told me I could be Superman or I could be Clark Kent, but I couldn't be both. I could be the larger than life hero that lived alone in a castle made of ice or I could be the regular guy with friends, family, and a life. I chose Clark Kent. I chose her over the job. Not everyone makes that choice. Some people can't."

Ryan took another sip of shake. "You have to decide your priorities. You have to judge how much Castle can take without breaking. Most of the time you can balance them, but when they bump heads you have to decide who or what is going to come out on top. So the question you have to ask yourself is: Who do you choose to be? Clark Kent or Superman.


End file.
